My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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