I want to stick my p in your. b.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
