I've blown a few things in my day
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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