I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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