his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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