every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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