there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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