I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
