Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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