I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
