Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His hands were made for my vagina.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
