Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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