i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
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and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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