Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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