I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
