we have officially lost it.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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