sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
