I will die if light touches me.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
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