I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
