after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize