He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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