YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize