Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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