atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
