you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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