New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
