Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Enjoy the penises
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
