I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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