no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
