tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
