with your own penis?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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