My friends, they love my intelligence
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
