I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
