You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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