She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
