I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
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He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?