giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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