she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
