Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
