Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
