Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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