tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
