Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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