quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
