so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
