So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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