I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
two words...techno handjob
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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