I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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