all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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