How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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