If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I met the friendliest cop last night
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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