I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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