I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
