I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
