My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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