we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
