Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
