just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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