Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
