I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
