Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
