I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
