We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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